Hey groovers, it’s Tribal T in da blog!

On the off-chance that a DJ plays great music when I go out, you will see me migrate between the dance-floor, the stage and the water-station. I don’t know whether it’s my afro’s gravitational pull, my crazy dance-floor antics or simply my enthusiasm that gathers crowds. Whatever it is, I’m usually the first one on the dance-floor and typically the last to leave. And I can’t help but wonder: if I’m having so much fun dancing, why aren’t there more people – specifically men- on the dance-floor?

A typical night out in Sydney night-clubs is akin to watching a night-nature documentary. I distinctly hear Sir David Attenborough’s voice categorising the various breeds of male dancers:

  • Groin grinders. They predominantly move in packs of two and attack two unsuspecting women at a time, having placed dibs on their preferences. Their tactics usually include separating the women and rubbing their groin onto their chosen victim, marking their territory. Every girl is a possibility, but their strike rate is low until about 2am, when some girls are drunk enough to accept their advances
  • üBERgoobers. See blog on “üBER” terminology and join the forum discussion for tactics on dealing with these guys. http://www.ubergroover.tv/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=
  • Drunk guys. Yeah, you know the ones: slurring, swaying and spilling drinks. They line the perimeter of the dance-floor, as though dancing is a spectator sport. They watch girls dance, entertain the thought of dancing for a millisecond and then take another swig of their beer before mimicking the moves of their favourite tools, like the lawn-mower, the whipper-snipper or the chainsaw
  • Trained dancers. These guys have clearly been dancing for a long time and their ego makes them so serious that they won’t even contemplate dancing with women unless their skill is equivalent.
  • üBERgroovers. This is a very rare species. This man has great moves, dances with everyone around him, will pay special attention to women who dance on his level and is generally unobtrusive and polite. Picking up comes naturally, but it’s not his main intention. He only comes out once a year, or so it seems.

Unlike the leopard, I believe male breeds of dancers can change their spots. So how do we entice more Australian men to dance? I think the secret lies in understanding why they’re not dancing in the first place.We have Wayne the Aussie bloke telling us how it is, but can anyone else give us their perspective?

Perhaps we should emulate Sir David Attenborough’s hidden camera tactics and put some in the men’s bathrooms (urinal cams?). If I see any üBERgroovers getting bashed by drunk guys, I will know where to start my hunt.